免责声明: 的事件, 个人, and quotes included in this article are entirely fictitious and have been created for the purpose of humor.
Berrien Springs, Michigan — February 28, 2024 — bet365中文大学 was thrust into a whirlwind of chaos as a series of unexpected weather phenomena crashed onto campus grounds. Witnesses likened the scenes to a Hollywood disaster movie. Michigan locals, however, barely noticed something strange had transpired.
混乱始于2月11日. 27, a Tuesday that started with pleasant sunny skies, but was suddenly bombarded by violent evening winds, 多次龙卷风触地, and an unanticipated snowstorm that blanketed the university campus in white the following day.
本周, the Federal Weather Investigations Unit stated in a press release that the weather phenomena were caused by students in Southern Adventist University’s new meteorology program. A group of undergraduates were attempting to stop rain from ever again hitting their campus in Collegedale, 田纳西州, 使用“人工影响天气的装置”.” Under the mistaken belief that the device was malfunctioning, the students inadvertently triggered a series of severe weather events over the Andrews campus 600 miles away.
“We’re just so tired of walking into class drenched and cold,贝丝·安·琼斯说, a Southern freshman meteorology major who was involved in the mishap. “We actually had an inch of snow in January this year. 一英寸. 你听到了吗?? 这是不可接受的.”
Despite the dramatic nature of the weather unfolding outdoors in Berrien Springs, many students and faculty members at Andrews remained oblivious to the chaos. University administration declined to comment on the situation, citing unawareness of the events.
“I think we would remember that,” stated an anonymous university leader.
Professor Weatherby of the space botanical program stated how cultural influences might have impacted the campus’s apathetic response.
“Perhaps there was a tornado, though I can’t say for certain,” he said. “ ... 我们没有注意到. 这只是密歇根.”
He commented further that he and his wife enjoyed the “slight breeze” during their evening stroll on Feb. 27, around the time when three tornadoes had broken ground on campus.
在暴风雪期间, students were walking around in “shorts and snapbacks,蕾妮·戴说, 烹饪传媒专业大二学生. Some students took advantage of the snowy conditions to make snow angels and skate across campus. Meanwhile, non-locals bundled up for the harsh weather but continued to attend classes.
“I think it's important to embrace weather diversity,蒂娜说, a Florida resident studying liberal aquatics at Andrews, while on the scene wearing multiple layers of jackets and geothermal pants. “我没有问……, before Doh was able to finish her statement, she was unexpectedly blown away by a stray tornado in the area.
However, not all Andrews students were as understanding.
Laytford Klass, 野生动物耳语专业大四学生, 声称, due to Southern’s interference with the weather, 他来上课时没有准备考试.
二月的早晨. 28, while navigating the debris-strewn streets, Laytford’s car was struck by a peculiar projectile: a swirling ball of jackets hurtling through the air. 令他吃惊的是, the bundle of clothing revealed itself to be none other than Doh, whose extensive layers of outerwear had protected her against the crash. 她似乎没有受伤.
“Yeah, she just hit the car, almost cracked my windshield,” Laytford said. “我想她在我的会计课上?”
He later entered the classroom disoriented and stressed, which he attributed to his incident with Doh, but his friends believe his state was more related to his extended “Buzzfeed: Unsolved” marathon the night before the exam.
Klass firmly believes his failing grade is a result of the weather-induced encounter with Doh, 将其解释为“霉运的征兆”.”随后, he has sent numerous emails to Southern’s meteorology program asking for a sincere apology.
“I just want someone who understands the weight of what I've been through,他说, 然后回到他的电视马拉松.
应克拉斯的要求, Southern acknowledges the unintended consequences of new technology and extends a sincere apology to all students and faculty affected. 另外, Southern promises to fulfill Klass’ request for its weather-modification device to make a sunny day on his birthday, as he wishes to go ultimate frisbee-ing with his friends.
编者按: This article is a part of “Satire Swap” between 基督复临安息日会 university student publications. Southern Adventist University’s publication, 南方口音, wrote this piece for bet365中文大学’s Student Movement.
Read more articles created by other universities for the Satire Swap below: